Have you ever felt starved for a connection with a particular person?
I don’t mean a romantic connection. I mean that feeling of being truly seen, heard, loved, and cared for.
That feeling of relating where you feel like you can just melt in the comfort of their presence, and they can also melt into yours.
But no matter how hard you try, it just doesn’t come together.
I’ve felt this. And it feels terrible. Energy draining. Disappointing.
I finally did something, as an act of self compassion. I wrote a letter to myself from myself, giving me the exact same interaction I was wishing for from someone else.
I’ve heard about this idea before, and when I was in a compassion cultivation class, I was presented with an optional assignment, which I bravely embraced.
Below is what I wrote, which I can use again and again whenever I feel disconnected from someone I love and care about. It truly does bring me comfort.
I recommend trying this exercise and writing a letter to yourself. Feel free to use mine and see how it feels. xo
LETTER TO ME FROM ME (and you from you):
Dear Me,
I know how much you wish you and _________ were on the “same page” in life, and that you felt true support from her. I know you’re trying to be more appreciative of her attempts, even though they feel unauthentic. I see you again and again feeling zapped of energy from disappointment after interacting with her.
When she fails to reach out to you, other than when she wants something, and when she fails to be responsive to your attempts to connect with her, it’s understandable that you feel uncared for and dismissed. You become angry and judgmental, all the while knowing the truth – you’re sad inside…and feel like curling up…as if someone died…because it’s as if she’s “not there” even though she’s right in front of you.
After your interactions with her, you’ve expressed how you feel weighed down with disappointment, then berate yourself for once again expecting something from her you fear you may never experience – a close connection.
I know you feel manipulated and foolish sometimes. But you’re no fool. You’re a person wishing for a close connection with _________ and you have the courage and open-heartedness to continue to see the possibility of such a connection.
Whether you experience what you wish for or not, please never lose that openness to receive. Big hugs to you each time that feeling of disappointment washes over you. And if I’m not with you at the time, know that from afar, the hugs are coming…big, comfy bear hugs, from me to you.
What I know is that you and _________ are doing your best. You’re both imperfect, lovable human beings making your way in the world. I wish for you, and _________ to be free from suffering, and to be happy, whether together or apart.
The world goes round and round, and your big heart will touch her – even if it doesn’t appear to. Know that you’re full of love swirling around everywhere you go. Let this love soothe you…and _________, because surely she – just like you – wants what you want. After all, she is human too, and we humans – deep down – want to connect…really, really bad, and sometimes we simply don’t know how.
Stay open, my friend…stay loving, and hopeful too. Be well, and know, I’m always here for you. No matter what. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.
Love,
Me
www.WonderfullyHuman.com