“What’s the best way to deal with someone who really hurt you and let it go to the point where you can forgive and speak with them again?”
This question was posed to a monk from Australia named Ajahn Brahm. I enjoy listening to him on YouTube. He’s a joyful man and filled with wisdom.
Back to the original question above. This came at a perfect time for me, as I recently experienced a personal hurt.
I paraphrased Ajahn Brahm’s response below, which really helped me process my particular situation.
Being that we’re all human, which means we all experience hurt in life, I figured his perspective may very well help you too!
Someone who has really hurt you – they’ve only hurt you once in real life. Every time you think about it, you’re allowing them to hurt you again. Don’t let them do that.
FOREGIVE. It’s something you do for yourself so you can let it go.
You don’t forgive because you suddenly feel it’s a wonderful thing they’ve done.
Forgiveness is about you protecting yourself so you don’t keep thinking about it. (It’s your repetitive thinking causing you to hurt so much.)
It’s not your fault. Whatever they did to you, remember, it takes nothing away from who you are.
If you wish to speak with them again, then do so – if you wish.
Be kind. They made a big mistake. Nothing will help them more to realize what they’ve done than when you respond with kindness.
Sometimes people trust others too much. Learn from the experience so you don’t put yourself in the same position to be hurt again by that person.